Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
