the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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