His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
