I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
