I got chris browned last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
