He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
