is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
