Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
