I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
