Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize