it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
