On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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