So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
