I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
