this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
