my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
