Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
