I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
