No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need a beard to bite.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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