so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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