You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
