You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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