Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
