i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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