i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
