The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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