Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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