who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
