can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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