my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
