You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
