how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
