This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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