i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
