I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
