gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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