I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
