The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
