the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
