then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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