Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
