My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
