No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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