I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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