i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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