She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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