...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
