He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
