You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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