Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
