def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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