at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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