Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
