I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize