Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
