just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
