and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She announced her abortion via fbk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
