he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
