i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
