your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just had sex bonerless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
