i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
