They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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