also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
