The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I AM VODKA MAN
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
