I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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