girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
