So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize