I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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