Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
