I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
