After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think i have two assholes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
