so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
