she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
