so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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