i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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