I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
